ATTENTION! ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
GOT PROBLEMS?! WE GOT OPINIONS!!!
Your girl mad again? Your boss acting funny? Your homie moving weird? Have you tried paying somebody who is not remotely qualified to hear about it?
CALL ON SAYLESS ADVICE™ FOR ADVICE, EXPERTISE, AND PREMIUM CUSS-WORD GUIDANCE FROM AN ACTUAL NYC TRAINED CUSS WORD EXPERT!
*For comedy only. No therapy, no real consultations, and absolutely no guarantee that our opinions are useful.
THE OFFICIAL BEEF ESTIMATOR™
Find out how much your problem is theoretically worth. Our patented* technology assesses your drama with no scientific basis whatsoever.
PLEASE SUBMIT YOUR DRAMA FOR EVALUATION.
$???.00 FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY. NOT A REAL QUOTE. BUT AYE IDK FOR REAL.OUR WORLD-CLASS* SERVICES
Only our confidence is real.
*EVERY SERVICE AND PRICE ABOVE IS A COMEDY PROP. NO SERVICES ARE SOLD, NO PAYMENTS ARE TAKEN, AND NO THIRD PARTIES ARE CONTACTED. BUT AYE IDK FOR REAL.
FREE INSTANT OPINIONS!
Get an unsolicited statement right now. Our groundbreaking engine has absolutely no idea who you are.
YOUR OFFICIAL UNREQUESTED ASSESSMENT:
"YOU NEED ADVICE OR YOU NEED SOMEBODY TO AGREE WITH YOU? DIFFERENT PRICES."
█Our free roast generator is a joke. It does not interpret your personal situation or provide professional advice.
REAL* PEOPLE. REAL* RESULTS.
★★★★★“He told me exactly what I wanted to hear. Five stars.”
— ANONYMOUS, VERIFIED BY NO ONE
★★★★★“My problem is still here but the consultation was funny as hell.”
— THEORETICAL CUSTOMER #002
★☆☆☆☆“He said I might be the problem. I would like to speak to management.”
— MANAGEMENT IS THE SAME GUY
*These are fictional sample testimonials, not actual customer reviews.
JOIN THE OFFICIAL VIP LIST™
Leave your name and email for SayLess updates. The drama is fictional. The mailing list is not.
QUESTIONS? WE GOT EXCUSES.
ARE YOU ACTUALLY A THERAPIST?
No. This is an entertainment website, not therapy or a substitute for a licensed mental-health professional.
WILL YOU ACTUALLY LISTEN TO MY PROBLEMS?
Absolutely not as a paid service. This is a joke website. The instant roast machine is working overtime, though.
CAN YOU CUSS OUT MY BOSS / PARTNER?
In this fictional catalog? Absolutely. In real life? No third parties are contacted or harassed.
WHAT IF YOUR ADVICE DOESN'T WORK?
Then our founding guarantee applies: “But aye idk for real.” No actual professional advice is provided.
WHY IS EVERYTHING SO EXPENSIVE?
Because free advice from your friends wasn't working, apparently.
THE LEGAL DEPARTMENT™
TERMS, CONDITIONS, WARNINGS, EXCUSES, DISCLAIMERS, AND GENERAL DENIAL OF INVOLVEMENT. Unlike our advice, you really should read this.
PRIVACY NOTICE — REAL SIGNUP, FAKE ADVICE
This is a comedy website with an optional real mailing-list form. If you opt in, your name, email address, signup time, and source are collected for SayLess email announcements, events, and promotional updates. You can withdraw your consent and request deletion. We do not sell consultations, tickets, or merchandise on this website. The mailing list is separate from the fictional advice catalog. The organizer is responsible for providing an identifiable contact, complete privacy information, and a working unsubscribe method before sending promotional email.